Kayt Sukel

Host

Marry "Smart"

Apr 9, 2014·102 visitors

Melanie Berliet

Cohost

Stage· 214 messages

Apr 9, 2014

There are books and articles aplenty about the right strategy to snag a mate. Should you wait for "the one"? Settle for Mr. Right Now while your biological clock is still ticking? Or should you "marry smart" and pair up while young and still in college? Melanie Berliet and Kayt Sukel will talk about the mixed (and somewhat ridiculous) messages women get when it comes to marriage, relationships and happiness.

Kayt Sukel · 4:50 PM

★ Spotlighted from kelly mackin

“I am so here for this, I so agree with the somewhat ridiculous messages. Things like that get us stuck inside our heads and is very egoitic. I believe, with the right environment, mind has no gender.”

Kayt Sukel · 5:00 PM

Hello, hello!

Kayt Sukel · 5:00 PM

Hello, hello!

Melanie Berliet · 5:00 PM

Hello!!!!

Kayt Sukel · 5:00 PM

Today, Mel and I are going to tackle all the mixed (and stupid) messages we get about dating, marriage and happiness.

Kayt Sukel · 5:01 PM

So, Mel, to start, what is the absolute dumbest piece of advice that you've gotten about relationships?

Kayt Sukel · 5:01 PM

Before we even hit the books and the articles and all the advice about how to do it "right."

Melanie Berliet · 5:01 PM

Hmmm. That's a very good question. I was once told by a mentor years ago that once you're ready to get married, you should just settle for whomever you're dating at that time

Kayt Sukel · 5:02 PM

★ Spotlighted from kelly mackin

“so what is meant when you say marry smart? marry a smart person or chose wisely?”

Melanie Berliet · 5:02 PM

The most upsetting part of that advice was that it came from someone I truly admired

Kayt Sukel · 5:02 PM

Kelly, I put "smart" in quotation marks because there are so many rules/edicts/advice.

Kayt Sukel · 5:02 PM

There's a pervasive idea that there's a "right" way to do romance. And if women ignore it, they'll die alone, their dead body eaten by their 16 smelly cats.

Kayt Sukel · 5:02 PM

I had a graduate advisor tell me, "Marriage, kids or career: pick two."

Melanie Berliet · 5:02 PM

Yes, the myth of the old maid with cats somehow lies on

Melanie Berliet · 5:02 PM

lives on (although "lies on" is kind of an awesome typo)

Melanie Berliet · 5:03 PM

How did you respond to her?

Kayt Sukel · 5:03 PM

But I think the absolute worst advice I've gotten is "The sex doesn't matter. It really doesn't."

Melanie Berliet · 5:03 PM

Oh, I think it totally does. I think people make a serious mistake by misrepresenting their sex drive to please someone

Kayt Sukel · 5:03 PM

Kelly, I think there is definitely a "type" of relationship portrayed on TV. They tend to advertise the fairy tale.

Kayt Sukel · 5:03 PM

★ Spotlighted from kelly mackin

“OH YA, i do see that social behavior and often think it mostly comes from tv. could that be true.”

Kayt Sukel · 5:04 PM

But in the past few years, there have been a bunch of books about relationships.

Melanie Berliet · 5:04 PM

Marry Him! for one

Kayt Sukel · 5:04 PM

Susan Patton, the author of Marry Smart, says we should all marry in college: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/06/susan-patton-advice_n_4907116.html

Kayt Sukel · 5:04 PM

(Also, apparently, that we should avoid putting on weight like the plague).

Melanie Berliet · 5:05 PM

Ha! Does Susan Patton account for the fact that we live longer at all? It seems odd to me that a Princeton lady would miss that.

Kayt Sukel · 5:05 PM

Yes, and then you have Marry Him, by Lori Gottlieb, which makes a case for settling: http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2010/02/you_dont_have_to_settle.html

Kayt Sukel · 5:05 PM

Basically, the same advice Mel's mentor gave her.

Kayt Sukel · 5:06 PM

I'm not sure what Susan Patton was thinking. I think it's funny that she doesn't have daughters.

Melanie Berliet · 5:06 PM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“people told me years ago, that i should marry someone who was into self-discipline and control. WRONG!!!”

Melanie Berliet · 5:06 PM

That definitely stood out to me too—the "if I had daughters, this is what I would tell them." That's one whopping IF

Kayt Sukel · 5:06 PM

Mel just sent me another link this week about dating like a feminist: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/feminist-dating

Kayt Sukel · 5:07 PM

And then there was a recent article about "equal" yet sexless relationships: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/09/magazine/does-a-more-equal-marriage-mean-less-sex.html?_r=0

Melanie Berliet · 5:07 PM

The interesting thing to me is also the dearth of equivalent literature geared towards men.

Kayt Sukel · 5:07 PM

But of course, look at any magazine cover, and what you'll see is advice on how to date/mate better!

Kayt Sukel · 5:07 PM

The underlying message is always YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG, STUPID!

Melanie Berliet · 5:08 PM

I will say that I am a pretty progressive person who surrounds herself with feminist friends. And yet I still feel as if my friends do not think my current relationship will be validated until my boyfriend proposes.

Melanie Berliet · 5:08 PM

I never quite know how to react.

Melanie Berliet · 5:08 PM

I feel very secure in my relationship, sans ring.

Kayt Sukel · 5:09 PM

Well, on the other side, I got married after only three months of dating.

Kayt Sukel · 5:09 PM

My feminist friends were appalled that I hitched my wagon to his so early.

Kayt Sukel · 5:09 PM

I think this is the point. You can never win.

Melanie Berliet · 5:09 PM

Right. There is always judgment.

Kayt Sukel · 5:09 PM

Since relationships are all crazy anyway, the only constant is that you are doing it wrong.

Melanie Berliet · 5:09 PM

What is that judgment rooted in?

Melanie Berliet · 5:10 PM

We should all agree to give each other the benefit of the doubt.

Kayt Sukel · 5:10 PM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“why is marriage the ultimate goal of a relationship?”

Kayt Sukel · 5:10 PM

Why is marriage the ultimate goal of a relationship? Great question.

Kayt Sukel · 5:10 PM

I think it's part tradition, part practicality.

Melanie Berliet · 5:10 PM

Good question Robin! I really wish it weren't

Kayt Sukel · 5:10 PM

Two people can share resources, raise kids, etc.

Kayt Sukel · 5:10 PM

And, I will say, from a strictly legal standpoint, marriage seems to have the most benefit when you are splitting up.

Melanie Berliet · 5:11 PM

Do you mean financially, Kayt?

Kayt Sukel · 5:11 PM

(At least in some states--it offers you a lot of financial and legal protection that living together does not).

Kayt Sukel · 5:11 PM

I don't think there is any difference in the quality of relationship during that relationship (re: marriage vs. shacking up).

Melanie Berliet · 5:12 PM

Kayt, what are your thoughts on the whole Conscious Uncoupling thing?

Kayt Sukel · 5:12 PM

But women, particularly women who had made choices to stay at home with kids or try something new with a career, were not as protected financially in the shacking up relationships when they split.

Kayt Sukel · 5:12 PM

You know, I'm of two minds on that one.

Kayt Sukel · 5:12 PM

I think if anyone but Gwyneth Paltrow had said it, I would have thought it rather profound.

Kayt Sukel · 5:13 PM

You?

Melanie Berliet · 5:13 PM

Right. My first instinct was that it was lame to euphemize their divorce. But then I read up on the idea a bit. And it seemed to make some sense

Kayt Sukel · 5:13 PM

(And for those who don't follow pop culture: http://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/music/paltrows-conscious-uncoupling-confounds-many/2014/03/26/2dc65960-b52b-11e3-bab2-b9602293021d_story.html)

Kayt Sukel · 5:14 PM

I think that, more and more, we realize Margaret Mead's idea of serial monogamy makes some sense.

Melanie Berliet · 5:14 PM

It seems that in an age when more and more marriages end, we might as well learn how to end them more amicably.

Kayt Sukel · 5:14 PM

Especially as we stay alive for so long.

Kayt Sukel · 5:14 PM

We might need one kind of partner for our younger, more irresponsible years, another to raise kids and yet another to grow old with.

Melanie Berliet · 5:14 PM

So should we marry and divorce them all?

Kayt Sukel · 5:15 PM

And if that's the case, we should put as much emphasis on conscious uncoupling as we do on the coupling, you know?

Melanie Berliet · 5:15 PM

Maybe what we need is to assume we should all get married—at least three times!

Kayt Sukel · 5:15 PM

Marry and divorce them all...good question!

Kayt Sukel · 5:15 PM

The thing is, today, women don't need to get married at all.

Kayt Sukel · 5:15 PM

My first long-term relationship was 6 years. If I had lived in the 50's, I would have married him.

Kayt Sukel · 5:16 PM

Because I'm of my generation, I didn't have to.

Melanie Berliet · 5:16 PM

Yes things have definitely changed so that marriage isn't necessarily an economic advantage for a woman.

Melanie Berliet · 5:16 PM

Kayt how has your idea of what marriage should look like evolved over the years?

Kayt Sukel · 5:16 PM

Yes. So much.

Kayt Sukel · 5:16 PM

And, as I entered this marriage (for the record, it is my second), I recognize that my idea of marriage may evolve even more.

Kayt Sukel · 5:17 PM

But as I'm in the child-rearing stage of life, I'm looking for a partner--someone who is willing to give as much as I do to the home, the family and to our relationship.

Kayt Sukel · 5:17 PM

Because if my partner didn't, there would be no advantage to me. I know I can do it all myself if I must.

Melanie Berliet · 5:18 PM

An equal partner is definitely what I'm after too. Even as someone without children. I don't want to do all the housework!

Kayt Sukel · 5:18 PM

Would you be happy to stay shacked up indefinitely, Mel? Or do you think marriage may be an ultimate goal?

Melanie Berliet · 5:19 PM

You know, I go back and forth. I feel I have enough of a commitment from my boyfriend without marrying him. There is enough trust in our relationship. But there are some practical reasons why marrying looks really appealing: namely, health insurance

Melanie Berliet · 5:19 PM

and tax breaks.

Kayt Sukel · 5:19 PM

Health insurance is so frickin' sexy.

Kayt Sukel · 5:19 PM

My husband and I joke that I married him for the health insurance.

Melanie Berliet · 5:19 PM

Also, to be totally candid, since my boyfriend is a divorcee, a large part of me feels that he owes me what he already gave another woman!

Melanie Berliet · 5:19 PM

health insurance IS sexy

Melanie Berliet · 5:20 PM

We're already each other's medical proxies.

Kayt Sukel · 5:20 PM

Did you work out how finances would split if y'all broke up?

Kayt Sukel · 5:20 PM

My one friend, when she moved in with her boyfriend, made him sign an agreement of how it would go if they split.

Melanie Berliet · 5:20 PM

We have never discussed that actually.

Kayt Sukel · 5:20 PM

She is a feminist lawyer.

Kayt Sukel · 5:20 PM

(Maybe that last line was obvious).

Melanie Berliet · 5:20 PM

That's not a bad idea

Melanie Berliet · 5:21 PM

Do you have a prenup?

Kayt Sukel · 5:21 PM

But, as unromantic as it sounds, I applaud her doing so. She moved long distance to be with this guy, took a lower paying job and wanted to make sure she would never be stuck.

Kayt Sukel · 5:21 PM

(And frankly, once you get down to the nitty gritty, relationships aren't that romantic anyway).

Melanie Berliet · 5:21 PM

that is so true.

Kayt Sukel · 5:21 PM

I did not have a pre-nup. Although my mother was on me to get one.

Melanie Berliet · 5:21 PM

romance is a sham.

Melanie Berliet · 5:22 PM

In France, none of my cousins have gotten married.

Kayt Sukel · 5:22 PM

But one of the first things we did as a married couple was to do very complete wills.

Melanie Berliet · 5:23 PM

They have partners they plan to remain with for life, and children. But none of them has married, which aggravates my grandmother a good deal.

Kayt Sukel · 5:23 PM

Here's another interesting twist to this whole "right" way to do relationships: do kids change the equation?

Kayt Sukel · 5:23 PM

Do you want to be married before you have kids? Are you obligated to marry someone you have a kid with?

Kayt Sukel · 5:24 PM

★ Spotlighted from kelly mackin

“What if the male is the person who stay at home. I would love to be that guy hehehe.”

Kayt Sukel · 5:24 PM

Kelly, you raise an interesting point. I think, as males start to stay home and give up their careers, they are going to be the ones looking for more financial protection.

Kayt Sukel · 5:24 PM

Because, if you do give up your career and become fairly dependent on your partner, you need a cushion if that partner goes away.

Kayt Sukel · 5:25 PM

I could see, in the future, more men demanding marriage or other legal agreements to protect themselves.

Melanie Berliet · 5:25 PM

Interesting. the stay-at-home dad demanding marriage.

Kayt Sukel · 5:26 PM

If traditional roles in romantic partnerships are changing, why wouldn't the romantic partnerships (i.e., marriage) change as well?

Melanie Berliet · 5:26 PM

There was a great article in Pacific Standard about how men are never really forced to agonize over the whole work-life balance conundrum: http://www.psmag.com/navigation/business-economics/leaning-out-sheryl-sandberg-women-career-work-78360/

Kayt Sukel · 5:26 PM

I saw that. However, most of the really involved Dads I know do agonize.

Kayt Sukel · 5:26 PM

Probably not as much as their partners but...

Kayt Sukel · 5:27 PM

My son's karate class changed to start 45 minutes earlier than it used to. My husband was really upset that work would make it so he couldn't attend.

Melanie Berliet · 5:28 PM

That's so sweet! Employers ned to be more flexible for men and women.

Kayt Sukel · 5:28 PM

Definitely!

Melanie Berliet · 5:28 PM

It's bullshit that paternity leave is so short compared to maternity leave in most cases.

Kayt Sukel · 5:28 PM

Something else occurred to me as I was doing research for today's talk. All these books, all these articles talk about "rules" and "advice" for women. Where does that leave the men?

Melanie Berliet · 5:28 PM

Robin, that's an interesting point. The idea of the ultimatum for marriage has always intrigued me.

Melanie Berliet · 5:29 PM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“no one should DEMAND marriage.”

Kayt Sukel · 5:29 PM

How are they supposed to figure all this out?

Melanie Berliet · 5:29 PM

I know quite a few women who have given their partners an ultimatum at some point. It always seemed like a way to set the relationship up for failure in my view.

Kayt Sukel · 5:29 PM

Robin, good point. Perhaps "demand" is not the right word.

Kayt Sukel · 5:30 PM

But if your partner wants you to give up a career or money or whatever to make it work, wouldn't asking for marriage be more of a compromise?

Kayt Sukel · 5:30 PM

Kelly, good question! Except I know guys who read dating advice books, too.

Kayt Sukel · 5:30 PM

★ Spotlighted from kelly mackin

“I think, what you just pointed out shows how men are allowed to make their own choice and women are suppost to follow some stupid rules? yes no?”

Kayt Sukel · 5:31 PM

If we are supposed to marry in college, or settle for Mr. Right Now, or, follow the "rules," what are they supposed to do? Just wait and figure out our game plan?

Melanie Berliet · 5:31 PM

I know quite a few who pay for matchmakers.

Melanie Berliet · 5:31 PM

Matchmakers that double as "dating coaches."

Melanie Berliet · 5:31 PM

A la Millionaire Matchmaker, I suppose

Melanie Berliet · 5:31 PM

One thing we haven't discussed is the notion of The One.

Kayt Sukel · 5:32 PM

Ahhh, yes. UNICORNS!

Melanie Berliet · 5:32 PM

Something I've always found tough to swallow, if only from a statistical standpoint.

Kayt Sukel · 5:32 PM

Yes, even if you are one in a million, there are still 8000 of you.

Melanie Berliet · 5:33 PM

A lot of people cling to the notion that their partner needs to be The One. AND that their partner needs to somehow be everything. Their best friend, their sex god, their etc...

Kayt Sukel · 5:33 PM

"The One" is a tough thing from a logistics standpoint, too.

Kayt Sukel · 5:33 PM

Is the person who is going to rock my world at 25 going to be able to do so at 40? At 65?

Melanie Berliet · 5:33 PM

Recently a girlfriend of mine was telling me how wonderful her new boyfriend is. But then she admitted that there was a SERIOUS problem: he wasn't quite funny enough.

Kayt Sukel · 5:33 PM

She can't sign him up for an improv class?

Melanie Berliet · 5:34 PM

If funny is a top priority, I understand why that's problematic. But I reminded her that no one person can be everything to you.

Melanie Berliet · 5:34 PM

hahah

Melanie Berliet · 5:34 PM

I told her to call me if she wants someone to laugh harder at her jokes:)

Kayt Sukel · 5:34 PM

I think you're right. But also, I think that when we find that one problem, that little thing, that actually shows that we're not ready yet.

Melanie Berliet · 5:34 PM

That's insightful

Kayt Sukel · 5:34 PM

Maybe it's not that he's not funny enough, maybe that she's not ready to let go enough to be in a true partnership.

Melanie Berliet · 5:34 PM

like, we're self sabotaging the relationship by harping on something insignificant

Kayt Sukel · 5:34 PM

It's funny: On paper, my first husband was PERFECT.

Kayt Sukel · 5:35 PM

He crossed off every checkbox I had for an ideal mate.

Melanie Berliet · 5:35 PM

Were you guys happy in the beginning?

Kayt Sukel · 5:35 PM

There was only one problem: I could not live with him.

Melanie Berliet · 5:35 PM

What made it so hard to live together?

Melanie Berliet · 5:35 PM

And did you live together before getting hitched?

Kayt Sukel · 5:35 PM

Dude, if I started, I'd be typing for the rest of the Tawk!

Melanie Berliet · 5:35 PM

hahaha. Fair enough.

Kayt Sukel · 5:36 PM

And no, we did not live together before we got hitched. We didn't live together until more than a year after.

Kayt Sukel · 5:36 PM

(Active duty military--it comes with its own problems).

Melanie Berliet · 5:36 PM

There's definitely an art to finding someone you can live with well.

Melanie Berliet · 5:36 PM

Some people like to leave the bathroom door open, some don't.

Kayt Sukel · 5:36 PM

That's the thing, after a while, laughing hard at your jokes may seem really silly when you have a guy who does his own dishes.

Kayt Sukel · 5:37 PM

Or lets you sleep when the kid wakes up in the middle of the night.

Melanie Berliet · 5:37 PM

why can't he laugh while cleaning????

Melanie Berliet · 5:37 PM

(KIDDING)

Kayt Sukel · 5:37 PM

This kind of goes back to what Kelly was saying about television.

Kayt Sukel · 5:37 PM

Women, in particular, have been sold the fairy tale.

Kayt Sukel · 5:37 PM

Is it any wonder that we can't figure out marriage when day-to-day life is so frickin' unromantic?

Kayt Sukel · 5:38 PM

We want "the one," we want the fairy tale.

Melanie Berliet · 5:38 PM

we want to be princesses!

Melanie Berliet · 5:38 PM

whose careers fall into their lap

Kayt Sukel · 5:38 PM

So we might miss out on someone who would make a remarkable partner because they can't beat box or something.

Melanie Berliet · 5:38 PM

Beat boxing is a definite plus

Kayt Sukel · 5:39 PM

When I look back on why I dismissed some past boyfriends, I'm embarrassed at how shallow my reasons were.

Melanie Berliet · 5:39 PM

Have you ever made a pros/cons list about a partenr?

Kayt Sukel · 5:39 PM

But I go back to that same idea--it wasn't them. I was shallow because I wasn't ready yet.

Melanie Berliet · 5:39 PM

I definitely drafted a few tables in my earlier days.

Kayt Sukel · 5:39 PM

Indeed, Robin!

Kayt Sukel · 5:39 PM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“to make a good choice in a partner, one must know themself quite well first.”

Melanie Berliet · 5:39 PM

Robin, I concur wholeheartedly. Which is why Susan Patton's "marry in college" message seems so misguided. In this day and age, few have figured themselves out by 20

Kayt Sukel · 5:40 PM

No, never a pro/con list. I was flighty enough that if I could see enough cons to make a list, I moved on.

Kayt Sukel · 5:40 PM

Agreed, Mel.

Melanie Berliet · 5:40 PM

There's adolescence, then emerging adulthood, then adulthood now

Kayt Sukel · 5:40 PM

My college boyfriend was awesome. We are still friends--and he is an amazing husband and father.

Melanie Berliet · 5:40 PM

I am still friends with my college boyfriend too!

Kayt Sukel · 5:41 PM

But if we had married after school, I think we would have driven each other insane.

Melanie Berliet · 5:41 PM

same here. neither of us was mature enough to marry.

Kayt Sukel · 5:41 PM

Robin: and that's another reason why I think Gottlieb's "settling" won't work either.

Kayt Sukel · 5:41 PM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“it takes living and experiencing and reflecting on that to come to know oneself.”

Melanie Berliet · 5:41 PM

he flatly told me one day "I want to bang every woman I see." he was 23. hard to blame him.

Kayt Sukel · 5:42 PM

You need someone who is going to grow with you. He might not be the one--but he should be someone who can give you more than just sperm and a shared bed.

Melanie Berliet · 5:42 PM

you have to know yourself, and you have to be in the same phase in life. And often, men and women seem to mature at different rates

Kayt Sukel · 5:42 PM

Dude, I know 43 year old men who still say, "I want to bang every woman I see."

Kayt Sukel · 5:42 PM

(Although, I think they say "chick")

Kayt Sukel · 5:43 PM

I think here's the thing: no two people are alike. No two relationships are alike.

Melanie Berliet · 5:43 PM

maybe all you want is the sperm, though, so you can be a single mother! I can see the personal ad: sperminator wanted.

Kayt Sukel · 5:43 PM

We have to stop thinking that there are rules that apply to everyone and every relationship.

Kayt Sukel · 5:43 PM

With so much in life, your mileage may vary.

Melanie Berliet · 5:43 PM

and yet we're all soooooo caught up in comparing our relationships.

Melanie Berliet · 5:43 PM

I agree, kayt. There can't really be relationship standards.

Kayt Sukel · 5:44 PM

The only way to really figure out what works for you--whether it's marrying after school or getting a sperm donor--is to get out there, experience new things and see what works for you.

Melanie Berliet · 5:44 PM

totally. and what works for you might in fact change over time!

Melanie Berliet · 5:44 PM

Sasha, well said.

Kayt Sukel · 5:44 PM

★ Spotlighted from Sasha A. Tcherevkoff

“I still want to bang every woman I see. I just know that that one I have at home will always be better than any of them.”

Kayt Sukel · 5:44 PM

And on that note...

Melanie Berliet · 5:44 PM

I think that may be the right note to leave on!

Melanie Berliet · 5:44 PM

Great minds, Kayt:)

Kayt Sukel · 5:45 PM

This has been so much fun. Thanks to everyone who participated!

Melanie Berliet · 5:45 PM

Yes thank you!!! And please tune in again in two weeks.

Kayt Sukel · 5:45 PM

We'll be back in two weeks. And we'll be talking

Kayt Sukel · 5:45 PM

about trolls and the Internet.

Melanie Berliet · 5:45 PM

Thanks guys!

Melanie Berliet · 5:46 PM

Every other Wednesday at 1pm EST

Kayt Sukel · 5:46 PM

In particular, whether women are welcome on the Internet. Hope to see you then!

Melanie Berliet · 5:46 PM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“thank you. thought provoking indeed”

Kayt Sukel · 5:46 PM

And if you have ideas for future talks, please email me or Mel. I'm at info@kaytsukel.com. We'd love to hear them!

Kayt Sukel · 5:46 PM

Until then!

Forum · 91

Forum· 91 comments

102 visitors

Tawkers AdminMar 27, 2014, 6:29 PM

Welcome to the comment section of the Tawk, where audience members can share their thoughts about the main conversation happening on the left. Don't by shy! Entering questions and comments is the only way to get the attention of the two Hosts on stage!

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 3:22 PM★ Spotlighted

I am so here for this, I so agree with the somewhat ridiculous messages. Things like that get us stuck inside our heads and is very egoitic. I believe, with the right environment, mind has no gender.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 3:29 PM

I am looking for someone who challenges me and likes conversation. My sex drive is almost dead, it has been years since I was involved with anyone, I just stopped putting myself out there.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 4:59 PM

hello everyone

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:00 PM

howdy

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:00 PM

everyone refresh the page if you are not seeing what is being said.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:01 PM★ Spotlighted

so what is meant when you say marry smart? marry a smart person or chose wisely?

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:02 PM

sounds like bad advice

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:02 PM

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:03 PM★ Spotlighted

OH YA, i do see that social behavior and often think it mostly comes from tv. could that be true.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:04 PM

ya, we need people to think for themselves and question what they see on tv.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:05 PM

Ya, that kind of stereotype is really destructive and I think, breeds much self hatred.

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:05 PM★ Spotlighted

people told me years ago, that i should marry someone who was into self-discipline and control. WRONG!!!

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:05 PM

i did, it was awful

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:06 PM

heheheheh kayt

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:06 PM

LOL so true mel.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:07 PM

I feel like a feminist just cuz I feel there is a big unbalance in the world with the sexes.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:07 PM

and I fiht for equality

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:08 PM

yep, you certainly can be, kelly. and that is way cool!

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:09 PM

OH YES, i had a job putting magazines on shelves and that cosmo magazine is insane with all the sex tips and dating advise. Why can we not let people think for themselves on the issue.

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:09 PM★ Spotlighted

why is marriage the ultimate goal of a relationship?

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:10 PM

stereotypes and biases?

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:10 PM

so true mel

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:10 PM

hehehehehe

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:10 PM

i don't think it has to be

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:10 PM

but they don't need to be married to do those things.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:11 PM

YES kayt.

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:11 PM

they don't need the piece of paper do they? feels confining to some.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:11 PM

that is where i keep seeing it as well.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:11 PM

in canada we have common law, if you live with a person over 6 months, you are treated pretty much like you are married.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:12 PM

good point kayt.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:13 PM

I think the tradition of it is what they now use against us.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:14 PM

serial monogamy?

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:14 PM

ahhh

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:15 PM

LOL

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:15 PM

= D i like that thinking, actually

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:15 PM

its what i did

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:16 PM

well, i dont know about that but I do feel if I meet a person who just makes me feel good and challenges me, I would like to spend my time with them.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:17 PM

OHHH, so what happened to my brother, it really seemed like she married him for the money, they are now divorced and the kid( ashton ) seems to be the one really paying the price.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:18 PM

The "role" we are suppost to play seems sick. we could use some original thinking in this area.

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:19 PM

it IS sick!

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:19 PM

LOL

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:19 PM

hmmm interesting.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:20 PM

hehehehe

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:22 PM

romance = mating dance

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:22 PM★ Spotlighted

What if the male is the person who stay at home. I would love to be that guy hehehe.

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:22 PM

yer funny kelly ; ]

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:24 PM

OHH there is many who get married cuz they are having a kid.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:24 PM

hehehehe I wanna bring the monetary system down, for more then just these reasons, but they are included.

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:25 PM★ Spotlighted

no one should DEMAND marriage.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:26 PM

in canada, the way pensions work, you need to work to get one. Why does the person whos stays home to raise kid(citizens) not getting pensions for their HUGE contribution towards that.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:28 PM

hmmmmm, ya, i do know many males that work away from home and that does cause much tension in the relationship. Not being there is hard on both people, i think.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:29 PM

OHH nice point kayt.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:30 PM★ Spotlighted

I think, what you just pointed out shows how men are allowed to make their own choice and women are suppost to follow some stupid rules? yes no?

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:31 PM

distance like you describe, kelly, can be agood thing too. my daughter is in a relationship like that. they don't get to the poin to ftaking each other for granted when they are not together all the time.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:31 PM

heh, maybe i just have not looked, I just have not seen anything for dating advise for a guy. nvm maxim magazine kinda does sometimes.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:33 PM

I would like to just say, someone who is compatible, who engages you in a way you have never thought about before and you like.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:34 PM

When I say I am searching for the one, I do not mean there is only 1 of the 8 billion, just a person who I can accept who they are.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:35 PM

I really do not like females tht tell me I make their brain hurt.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:35 PM

LOL

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:36 PM

can always host another talk hehehe

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:37 PM

I think, all those roles should be shared, not obligated to one sex or the other.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:37 PM

my mom was the one who taught me to play baseball.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:38 PM

LOL exactly

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:38 PM

thats disney for selling us the princess fantasy, dam that crap.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:39 PM

whats beat boxing?

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:39 PM★ Spotlighted

to make a good choice in a partner, one must know themself quite well first.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:39 PM

dam strait robin

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:40 PM

And a true parter will help you see things about yourself you might not have thought of otherwise. That's what I mean when I say i need someone who challenges me.

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:41 PM★ Spotlighted

it takes living and experiencing and reflecting on that to come to know oneself.

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:41 PM

nope

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:42 PM

UMMMM, I'll blame him. we are not all like that.

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:43 PM

i know one thats 62 and still says that

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:44 PM

one big stereotype is, men are more logical and women more emotional. ummm while I do not know for sure if this is true, it has be introduced into society and its dividing us.

Sasha A. TcherevkoffApr 9, 2014, 5:44 PM★ Spotlighted

I still want to bang every woman I see. I just know that that one I have at home will always be better than any of them.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:45 PM

no 15 more minutes

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:45 PM

ohh ok another talk?

Robin MaynardApr 9, 2014, 5:45 PM★ Spotlighted

thank you. thought provoking indeed

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:45 PM

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:46 PM

OH yes, i already left a comment there.

kelly mackinApr 9, 2014, 5:46 PM

yes , i hope to see me there too hehehehe MIGHT have to work.

you meApr 10, 2014, 10:21 PM

Hey

Serge WehbeApr 11, 2014, 5:21 PM

westher besterMay 29, 2014, 6:40 AM

Yes

Daneija DismukeJun 19, 2014, 9:37 PM

Hey?

rawan chJul 25, 2014, 11:07 AM

Hey guys

rawan chJul 25, 2014, 11:07 AM

Marry smart !!!

rawan chJul 25, 2014, 11:08 AM

Hey

José caguanaAug 1, 2014, 2:48 AM

d rAug 1, 2014, 2:08 PM

joe shmoeSep 10, 2014, 9:29 AM

Kik me!!