Katie Klabusich

Host

Stalking: Are You One in Six Women?

Feb 14, 2014·112 visitors

Heather Parker

Cohost

Stage· 336 messages

Feb 14, 2014

6.6 million adults, 1/6 women & 1/19 men, are stalking victims each year in the US. Would you know what to do if you suspected you were being stalked?nnThe awesome Heather Parker is the only person I wanted to chat w/following Stalking Awareness Month. (more info: http://stalkingawarenessmonth.org/ ) As a stalking victim & survivor, attorney, activist & self-taught know-it-all, she's joining me to answer questions on how to be your own best advocate. (disclaimer: advice not legally binding)

Katie Klabusich · 12:19 AM

★ Spotlighted from Tawkers Admin

“Welcome to the comment section of the Tawk, where audience members can share their thoughts about the main conversation happening on the left. Don't by shy! Entering questions and comments is the only way to get the attention of the two Hosts on stage!”

Katie Klabusich · 1:00 AM

Hi, everyone! Thanks for coming to “Stalking: Are You One in Six Women?” with the fantastic Heather Parker! (Trigger Warning: violence, DV, abusive language)

Katie Klabusich · 1:00 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Glad to be here for this”

Heather Parker · 1:00 AM

Hi Katie, thanks for inviting me back for this tawk.

Katie Klabusich · 1:00 AM

Real quick, if you’re new to Tawkers, Heather and I will be chatting on the left. And if you’re signed in (it only takes two minutes to set up a profile!), you can add comments/questions on the right. Those are only seen by people who are signed in.

Katie Klabusich · 1:00 AM

Heather and I can spotlight comments to toss them into our conversation for everyone to see, so be sure to “thumbs-up” anything you want us to respond to! (That also makes it easier for us to see them.)

Katie Klabusich · 1:01 AM

That Trigger Warning is for real. I want people to feel able to talk, so Heather do you have triggers we should add besides the ones I opened with before we start?

Heather Parker · 1:02 AM

I think that's a good list, as stalking covers a lot of those areas. But thanks for asking. If anyone has something they feel we should add, please speak up and we'll add it.

Katie Klabusich · 1:02 AM

Great. We want to be sensitive to everyone's comfort.

Katie Klabusich · 1:02 AM

One in six women (1/19 men) are stalking victims at some point in their lives, making this topic extremely important and terrifyingly under discussed.

Heather Parker · 1:03 AM

Incredibly important, and becoming more important with the advent and increasing use of technology.

Katie Klabusich · 1:03 AM

Heather is herself a stalking victim as well as a lawyer and advocate for herself and others. This background made her the (unfortunately) perfect person to chat with.

Katie Klabusich · 1:03 AM

Agreed. Stalking is getting easier (and laws are behind).

Katie Klabusich · 1:03 AM

Obviously, she’s not here to deliver official legal advice — just extend the wisdom of her experience and help answer general questions. REMINDER: our chats are a safe space & this one is being moderated by Tawkers admins.

Heather Parker · 1:03 AM

Very, VERY much behind, Katie.

Katie Klabusich · 1:04 AM

Should trolls, MRAs, or those either of us or any of you have personal history with show up, mute them by clicking their profile or the “ … “ in the lower right side of their comments. Abusive, combative, judgmental language will not be tolerated.

Katie Klabusich · 1:04 AM

Ok, disclaimers over!

Heather Parker · 1:04 AM

Thank you, for that, Katie. Just to reiterate (and coming directly for me), NOTHING I say here should be taken as legal advice. If you need legal advice, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE consult an attorney. The victims' advocate section of your local prosecutor

Heather Parker · 1:04 AM

office is also a great place to get help.

Katie Klabusich · 1:04 AM

Heather is pretty awesome at directing you to where to go -- i.e. who to call for resources that can directly help you.

Heather Parker · 1:05 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Is a woman randomly selected to be stalked, or is it by someone she knows, or both?”

Katie Klabusich · 1:05 AM

Good question, Julie!

Heather Parker · 1:05 AM

In my case, it was random - my stalker found me on Twitter and based on my political leanings, began stalking me. But for many victims/survivors, the stalking comes at the hands of a current or former intimate partner.

Heather Parker · 1:06 AM

66% of female victims and 41% of male victims of nstalking are stalked by a current or former intimate partner

Katie Klabusich · 1:06 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“What triggers the stalking?”

Heather Parker · 1:07 AM

Another good question, Julie. But again, the answer varies. If it's a current or former partner, the triggers are different than stranger stalking.

Katie Klabusich · 1:07 AM

That's another good question, since 1/3 of stalkers have stalked before. It's definitely a repeat offense and a behavior certain people are prone to.

Heather Parker · 1:08 AM

But the reasoning behind it is generally the same - to surveil, manipulate, and terrify the target.

Heather Parker · 1:08 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“And their purpose of stalking is what?”

Katie Klabusich · 1:08 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“ok, ty”

Katie Klabusich · 1:08 AM

Those sound like the same motivations that we talk about in sexual assault.

Heather Parker · 1:08 AM

It's largely about control, which tends to make sense as many domestic violence perpetrators are also stalkers.

Heather Parker · 1:08 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“How does a stalker manipulate?”

Katie Klabusich · 1:08 AM

Which understandably gets more attention and discussion because it's violent 100% of the time.

Heather Parker · 1:09 AM

Exactly, Katie.

Katie Klabusich · 1:09 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“I agree with Katie, does this, or can this lead to sexual assault?”

Katie Klabusich · 1:09 AM

★ Spotlighted from Lucy Dyer

“i was gonna say,isnt stalking behavior kinda the same as sexual abuse/assault?”

Heather Parker · 1:09 AM

Julie - the manipulation can take many forms, but simply by virtue of being stalked, victims and survivors often endup changing their behavior. They are manipulated into doing so by the stalking.

Katie Klabusich · 1:09 AM

Lucy -- I would suspect the victimization feels similar. The intent is certainly similar.

Katie Klabusich · 1:10 AM

1 in 7 stalking victims end up moving as a result.

Katie Klabusich · 1:10 AM

That's a major life change with all kinds of upheaval.

Katie Klabusich · 1:10 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“And I imagine protective orders are ignored largely by police Heather?”

Heather Parker · 1:10 AM

Julie - YES, unfortunately.

Katie Klabusich · 1:10 AM

And that's when stalking is reported. Heather -- do you think that is one of the reasons so few report stalking to authorities?

Heather Parker · 1:10 AM

Julie, in re: protective orders, that depends. I can speak to my specific circumstance, but I don't want to speak to everyone's.

Katie Klabusich · 1:11 AM

(Only 37% of male and 41% of female victims report to the police)

Katie Klabusich · 1:11 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“I understand”

Katie Klabusich · 1:11 AM

★ Spotlighted from Stephanie Hunt

“I've seen stalking as a lead-up to sexual assault.”

Katie Klabusich · 1:11 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“I am stunned that men are stalked to be honest”

Heather Parker · 1:11 AM

I think people don't often report stalking because they feel as if they won't be believed (sound similar to sexual assault here), or that they won't be taken seriously, or that they're "blowing things out of proportion."

Heather Parker · 1:12 AM

★ Spotlighted from Lucy Dyer

“is it always males stalking females? or have there been cases of males stalking males & females stalking females?”

Katie Klabusich · 1:12 AM

There must be some self-doubt in there with the blowing things out of proportion.

Heather Parker · 1:12 AM

Lucy, stalking can occur to anyone, by anyone. It is most prevalent when a man stalks a woman, but it can occur in any of the scenarios you discussed.

Heather Parker · 1:12 AM

Exactly, Katie. Self-doubt plays a large role (as I'm sure you've heard from me a time or two)

Katie Klabusich · 1:12 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Heather, tell me, how did you get rid of your stalker if you don't mind me asking?”

Heather Parker · 1:13 AM

Julie - I haven't. He's actually probably listening right now. He's tweeted out more than 150 tweets about this tawk since we announced it.

Heather Parker · 1:13 AM

And I have multiple orders of protection against him.

Katie Klabusich · 1:13 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Jesus wept”

Katie Klabusich · 1:13 AM

★ Spotlighted from Stephanie Hunt

“I have known female stalkers. They think they are expressing devotion to the man by knowing his every move.”

Katie Klabusich · 1:13 AM

★ Spotlighted from Lucy Dyer

“and i guess class and sexual orientation doesnt matter either?”

Heather Parker · 1:14 AM

Lucy, nope. Stalking is just like sexual assault and domestic violence - it crosses all class, racial, and sexual orientation boundaries.

Heather Parker · 1:14 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“How can you take control over a stalker?”

Katie Klabusich · 1:14 AM

Lucy -- one of my former roommates was abused by his boyfriend. It never quite escalated to stalking, but since former partners are the biggest %, that's definitely a concern.

Heather Parker · 1:14 AM

Julie - you don't. You can take control over your OWN life, but you never control a stalker.

Katie Klabusich · 1:14 AM

★ Spotlighted from Stephanie Hunt

“Mine was deported back home to Canada.”

Katie Klabusich · 1:14 AM

There are things you can do to advocate for yourself, though.

Katie Klabusich · 1:14 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Can you defend yourself with any weapon?”

Katie Klabusich · 1:15 AM

Heather, I know your process of pursing protection was LONG. How do you keep from getting frustrated?

Heather Parker · 1:15 AM

Yes, Katie, there are definitely steps you can take within the legal system to help make yourself safer.

Katie Klabusich · 1:16 AM

Aside from binders. Lots and lots of binders. ;) It's harder to get away with stalking someone who's super organized.

Heather Parker · 1:16 AM

Katie, I don't. I'm often frustrated by the lack of responsiveness by law enforcement, by laws that are inappropriately drafted. But it's either keep fighting, or give in. And I refuse to give in.

Katie Klabusich · 1:16 AM

<pause for some cheering>!

Heather Parker · 1:16 AM

Oh, yes, Binders. Gotta love my binder. It's got about 800 pages of his stalking behavior in it right now. Organization is a survivors best friend when it comes to stalking.

Katie Klabusich · 1:16 AM

Seriously, document everything.

Heather Parker · 1:16 AM

Daaw. ::blush::

Heather Parker · 1:17 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Tell me about discovering you realize you are being stalked, tell me the steps to take”

Katie Klabusich · 1:17 AM

Even if you just THINK you might possibly be stalked. Write things down. Take pictures, screen shots, save emails and texts.

Katie Klabusich · 1:17 AM

Anything with time stamps.

Heather Parker · 1:17 AM

Okay, Julie, now to the meat and bones portion. When I first realized that things were getting out of control, I immediately blocked by stalker.

Katie Klabusich · 1:17 AM

You can't retrieve that stuff when it's gone, so might as well put it in a file. Or a binder.

Katie Klabusich · 1:17 AM

Which most people would think should do it.

Heather Parker · 1:18 AM

He then created multiple screen names on Twitter (up to 30 some at this point), 7 different accounts on Facebook, and multiple fake email addresses.

Heather Parker · 1:18 AM

I blocked all of those, but he continued to contact me.

Heather Parker · 1:18 AM

So I did the first thing I knew to do (and it's the first thing anyone should do - aside from beginning their documentation process as soon as they feel unsafe)

Katie Klabusich · 1:19 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“I am curious now though, what about lgbt stalking, do the police take that even less serious?”

Heather Parker · 1:19 AM

I sent him a cease and desist order, demanding that he cease any and all contact with me, or I would pursue legal action against him.

Heather Parker · 1:19 AM

Unfortunately, that didn't work (he sent a rather...interesting response). At which point I turned to the courts.

Katie Klabusich · 1:19 AM

Is that something most people have access to pursuing?

Heather Parker · 1:19 AM

Katie, a cease and desist order?

Katie Klabusich · 1:19 AM

Yeah

Heather Parker · 1:20 AM

Yep, you can actually google to find one, and then tailor it to fit your needs. If people are really interested, follow me, and let me know and I'll send out a copy of mine.

Katie Klabusich · 1:20 AM

Great!

Heather Parker · 1:20 AM

For a lot of stalkers (and one I had previously) that was enough to end the stalking.

Katie Klabusich · 1:20 AM

Kind of a firm "back off, buddy!"

Heather Parker · 1:20 AM

Exactly, Katie.

Katie Klabusich · 1:20 AM

Right. You've told them you're on to them, essentially, and that you know how to advocate for yourself.

Katie Klabusich · 1:21 AM

To Julie's question about LGBT stalking -- I suspect, unfortunately, yes. It's often taken less seriously.

Heather Parker · 1:21 AM

Julie - I don't have firm data to point to on this, but I believe that LGBTQ survivors aren't treated as well as they could be by law enforcement.

Heather Parker · 1:21 AM

Jinx, Katie - where's my coke?

Heather Parker · 1:21 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Or is it just telling them to stay 150 feet away from you and no contact?”

Katie Klabusich · 1:21 AM

HA! That would depend on your local law enforcement. I don't have data either, just anecdotal experiences with friends.

Katie Klabusich · 1:21 AM

★ Spotlighted from Stephanie Hunt

“Police don't take anything that can't be seen as he said/she said seriously. Lazy police work really.”

Katie Klabusich · 1:21 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“I have my coke right here ty”

Heather Parker · 1:21 AM

No, Julie - you can't tell them to stay a certain distance away. Basically you are telling them to STOP any and all contact with you.

Katie Klabusich · 1:22 AM

So, intentional contact.

Katie Klabusich · 1:22 AM

Like, don't call. Don't write.

Katie Klabusich · 1:22 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Ok, ty”

Heather Parker · 1:22 AM

Yes, Katie.

Heather Parker · 1:22 AM

And only send this letter ONCE. Any further contact could tell your stalker that you're interested in further communication.

Katie Klabusich · 1:22 AM

★ Spotlighted from Tammy Cook

“Hi everyone.”

Heather Parker · 1:22 AM

Hi Tammy - welcome!

Heather Parker · 1:22 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“What aside from the courts can you do to protect yourself Heather?”

Katie Klabusich · 1:22 AM

Stephanie's right -- if something can be written off as he said - he said or he said -she said, etc...they can file it in the circular file.

Katie Klabusich · 1:23 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“It'd also be legal proof that you've told them to back”

Heather Parker · 1:23 AM

There are a lot of safety planning steps you can take, and I did a lot of them after I received by death threat.

Katie Klabusich · 1:23 AM

Exactly, Kim.

Heather Parker · 1:23 AM

Kim - EXACTLY. My judge took one look at my cease and desist order, read his response, and was like, "Um, counselor, when someone says to stop contacting you, you STOP CONTACTING THEM.

Katie Klabusich · 1:23 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“I'll be honest, I'd carry a damn gun”

Katie Klabusich · 1:23 AM

★ Spotlighted from Lucy Dyer

“what can friends do to help?”

Katie Klabusich · 1:23 AM

Stats on guns are rough. You're more likely to have it used against you. :/

Katie Klabusich · 1:24 AM

Lucy -- #1 is BELIEVE the person.

Katie Klabusich · 1:24 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Not me darlin, I am a Texas woman”

Heather Parker · 1:24 AM

Julie - I'll be completely honest and say that EVERY SINGLE LAW ENFORCEMENT PROFESSIONAL (Including the FBI agents working on my case) have suggested I purchase a firearm to protect myself from my stalker.

Katie Klabusich · 1:24 AM

That's sort of amazing.

Heather Parker · 1:24 AM

Katie - YES. Believe someone when they tell you they feel they are being stalked.

Katie Klabusich · 1:24 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Thats what I thought”

Heather Parker · 1:24 AM

★ Spotlighted from Lucy Dyer

“is you are a friend,that goes without saying,Katie”

Heather Parker · 1:24 AM

Lucy, you'd be surprised.

Katie Klabusich · 1:24 AM

Lucy, you'd be surprised how often people are shrugged of.

Heather Parker · 1:24 AM

Also, DO NOT victimblame.

Katie Klabusich · 1:24 AM

Jinx again. DAMNIT.

Katie Klabusich · 1:25 AM

Exactly. Validate your friend's feelings.

Katie Klabusich · 1:25 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“victim blame? Meaning”

Heather Parker · 1:26 AM

For example, my stalking has been largely cyber based. And I've had people tell me, "Well, why don't you just stay off the internet?". (1) I CAN'T - it's my job; (2) I'm not doing anything wrong - HE IS. Telling me to leave the internet is blaming me

Katie Klabusich · 1:26 AM

★ Spotlighted from Lucy Dyer

“wouldnt that be "you should have done this..." or "you shouldnt have done that..."”

Katie Klabusich · 1:26 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“In the case of social media, friends can also report any potential stalker contacts/handles”

Katie Klabusich · 1:26 AM

YES, Kim. And document when your friend's stalker contacts you. I send stuff to heather when her stalker contacts me b/c I know she has files already.

Heather Parker · 1:26 AM

I've also had members of conferences I've attended where he's stalked the conference hashtag because I tweeted at the conference tell me that I should have "thought about the safety of conference participants" before tweeting at the conference.

Heather Parker · 1:26 AM

THAT is victim blaming.

Heather Parker · 1:27 AM

Yes, Katie - and thank you for that.

Heather Parker · 1:27 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“I'd love to follow you Heather, but NOT in a stalking way to learn more from you. I work for the national Organization for women, and this is helpful material for me”

Heather Parker · 1:27 AM

Julie, feel free - I'd love to talk more. I was just working w/ your VA branch abt trying to change the stalking laws in VA.

Katie Klabusich · 1:28 AM

Hooray, community!

Heather Parker · 1:28 AM

Indeed, Katie. :)

Katie Klabusich · 1:28 AM

This, by the way, is one of the biggest ways we confront major problems that don't get enough attention.

Katie Klabusich · 1:28 AM

WE TALK ABOUT THEM

Katie Klabusich · 1:28 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“We are changing human trafficking laws right now”

Katie Klabusich · 1:28 AM

Stalking is a huge issue.

Katie Klabusich · 1:28 AM

When the less conservative stalking definition of feeling “a little fearful, somewhat fearful or very fearful,” the numbers spike to 1/4 women & 1/13 men. It's pretty mind blowing.

Heather Parker · 1:28 AM

OMG, YES. Talking reduces stigma. And stalking survivors still feel stigmatized, like it was there fault.

Katie Klabusich · 1:29 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“I never realized the numbers were so high”

Heather Parker · 1:29 AM

And I know I still find myself apologizing to friends and family when he starts stalking them (sorry Katie :( ), even though, intellectually, I know it's not my fault. I still feel bad.

Katie Klabusich · 1:29 AM

Yeah. STOP that. lol

Katie Klabusich · 1:29 AM

You're a brave badass for talking about this with us tonight.

Katie Klabusich · 1:29 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Heather, this isn't your fault darlin”

Katie Klabusich · 1:30 AM

We did wait for the end of Stalking Awareness Month. I didn't want to set anybody off. o.O

Heather Parker · 1:30 AM

I know, Julie - Thanks you.

Heather Parker · 1:30 AM

★ Spotlighted from Tammy Cook

“Has anyone been involved with a law enforcement stalker?”

Katie Klabusich · 1:30 AM

I recommend this quiz for later -- http://stalkingawarenessmonth.org/quiz -- to see what you don't know and engage other people in discussion.

Katie Klabusich · 1:30 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“When I was stalked I went as far as to erase my previous personal info off the internet and plant false info.”

Katie Klabusich · 1:30 AM

KIm -- that's so awful.

Katie Klabusich · 1:31 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“I just wanna run and move in with you and my "weapon" and be all protective all of a sudden”

Heather Parker · 1:31 AM

Kim, I spent a ridiculous amt of time and money erasing myself from the interwebz. You can find my name, and my blog, and my twitter handles. BUt you CANNOT find my address, phone, etc. Because I PAID to have the info removed from data aggregation

Heather Parker · 1:31 AM

Awww, thanks, Julie. I appreciate it.

Katie Klabusich · 1:32 AM

That sounds really expensive.

Heather Parker · 1:32 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“As someone being stalked and having your life in danger, you should NOT have to pay for a damn thing”

Heather Parker · 1:32 AM

Katie, it was. A few hundred dollars. And weeks of my time.

Katie Klabusich · 1:32 AM

One dude in his parents' basement (just stereotyping here) can completely disrupt a person's life.

Katie Klabusich · 1:32 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“My internet presence lead to an addy almost 100 miles away ;)”

Katie Klabusich · 1:32 AM

Agreed, Julie.

Katie Klabusich · 1:32 AM

These would be laws we're behind on.

Katie Klabusich · 1:33 AM

You can't even have your wallet stolen for free in this country. Imagine all the data and agencies and money involved in scrubbing off the internet...

Heather Parker · 1:33 AM

★ Spotlighted from Lucy Dyer

“i found out today that stalking in the UK only became a crime in 2012”

Heather Parker · 1:33 AM

Cyberstalking isn't a crime in VA currently unless my stalker sends me pornography. How fucked up is that?

Katie Klabusich · 1:33 AM

The Violence Against Women Act was integral in instituting that in the US.

Katie Klabusich · 1:33 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“That's awful, Lucy”

Katie Klabusich · 1:33 AM

Jesus.

Katie Klabusich · 1:33 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“People dont take stalking seriously because it has not happened to them, so we need to bring awareness to this”

Katie Klabusich · 1:34 AM

Word, Julie.

Heather Parker · 1:34 AM

Definitely, Julie.

Katie Klabusich · 1:34 AM

There were NO resources pre-VAWA. And now they're cobbled together by local agencies, states that are willing to fund them, etc.

Katie Klabusich · 1:34 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Especially on campus”

Heather Parker · 1:34 AM

Just want to throw out there if only FIVE more people register and sign in, y'all can see everyone's comments. So you Readers - SIGN IN! ;)

Katie Klabusich · 1:35 AM

I pulled this off the stalking awareness month.org page: Stalking is a crime in all 50 states and Washington DC. But less than 1/3 of states classify it as a felony on the first offense

Katie Klabusich · 1:35 AM

That is baffling.

Katie Klabusich · 1:35 AM

How can something only be a crime the second time you do it?

Katie Klabusich · 1:35 AM

★ Spotlighted from Lucy Dyer

“ahh this is what i looking for -"Figures obtained under a freedom of information request showed that between November 2012, when stalking became a crime, and the end of June this year, 320 people were arrested across 30 police forces.....”

Heather Parker · 1:35 AM

Katie, that IS baffling. And it's one of the things I'm trying to change in VA.

Katie Klabusich · 1:35 AM

★ Spotlighted from Lucy Dyer

“Of those 189 were charged - so far six of those have been jailed and 27 given community disposals."”

Katie Klabusich · 1:35 AM

Unreal, Lucy.

Katie Klabusich · 1:35 AM

This one knocked me over too: More than 1/2 of states classify stalking as a felony on second offense — but only when there are “aggravating factors.”

Katie Klabusich · 1:36 AM

Anyone want to guess what an aggravating factor is? Julie will be clutching her firearm...

Katie Klabusich · 1:36 AM

Basically, you need possession of a deadly weapon, violation of a court order or condition of probation/parole, a victim under 16 years, or same victim as prior occasions for stalking to be considered serious.

Katie Klabusich · 1:36 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“stalking is not a rehabilitative behavior I would think”

Katie Klabusich · 1:36 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“That is disgusting.”

Katie Klabusich · 1:36 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“loaded to”

Heather Parker · 1:36 AM

Currently, violations of an order of protection for stalking (of which there have been 57 in my case) are only considered misdemeanors. How crazy is that???

Katie Klabusich · 1:36 AM

Yeah. heather finally gets an order of protection...

Katie Klabusich · 1:37 AM

and it appear violating it isn't worth much until it happens....well...how many times? What would be enough?

Heather Parker · 1:37 AM

It's not, Julie. And, honestly, neither is DV. I did a lot of work w/ batterer's intervention programs. The recidivism rates are ridic.

Katie Klabusich · 1:37 AM

★ Spotlighted from Lucy Dyer

“hey if talking and getting the word out helped over turn the stigma about LBGT then we can do the same for stalking”

Katie Klabusich · 1:37 AM

★ Spotlighted from Tammy Cook

“I started Human Rights vs. Stalkers 4 years after my sister's stalking began. Her stalker is a former law enforcement officer, and his former colleagues continue to turn a blind eye.”

Katie Klabusich · 1:37 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“what class of misdemeanor?”

Heather Parker · 1:37 AM

I'm so sorry, Tammy. :(

Katie Klabusich · 1:37 AM

Tammy -- that's a huge issue in DV cases. I can imagine it would certainly apply in stalking. So sorry to hear that's how you got active in this.

Katie Klabusich · 1:37 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“Keeping all appendages crossed on Heather getting an extradition”

Katie Klabusich · 1:38 AM

Heather, do you know what class of misdemeanor?

Heather Parker · 1:38 AM

A Class 1 Misdemeanor in VA.

Katie Klabusich · 1:38 AM

Thx

Heather Parker · 1:38 AM

Kim, ME TOO. 57 violations and warrants has gotta lead to something, eventually.

Katie Klabusich · 1:38 AM

★ Spotlighted from Tammy Cook

“I'm glad to do something...it makes you feel so helpless.”

Heather Parker · 1:38 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Thats what, a $2500 fine and not even a year in jail?”

Katie Klabusich · 1:38 AM

Truth.

Katie Klabusich · 1:38 AM

★ Spotlighted from Stephanie Hunt

“My stalking occured back during college. It was only because of the attempted rape of another girl, and his dropping a flaming bag of excrement on a security guard from a roof that this boy was punished by the school.”

Heather Parker · 1:38 AM

Yep. But that's per each offense. So multiple that by 57, and....

Katie Klabusich · 1:39 AM

Stephanie -- By punished, you mean kicked out maybe?

Katie Klabusich · 1:39 AM

I don't expect prosecuted...

Katie Klabusich · 1:39 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“if you can't pay the fines it's normally jail time :)”

Heather Parker · 1:39 AM

Tammy - you're right. It's why I've been fighting to change the stalking laws in Virginia. It won't do anything for ME, but it will protect other victims.

Katie Klabusich · 1:39 AM

What are the odds of changing federal law so states don't have to do it individually?

Katie Klabusich · 1:40 AM

★ Spotlighted from Tammy Cook

“Hopefully, we can change laws and hold law enforcement accountable for failure to follow protocols. I want to start a legal advocacy program too.”

Katie Klabusich · 1:40 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“This need to climb up into the code of criminal procedures as a class a felony with a $500,000 fine and plenty of time in prison”

Katie Klabusich · 1:40 AM

Agreed, Julie. I am skeptical considering the short ass sentences for rapists.

Katie Klabusich · 1:40 AM

and the similarly high recidivism rate

Heather Parker · 1:40 AM

Julie, the changes I suggested to the legislature (which match the model legislation suggested by the National Center for Victims of Crime) change the classification fo stalking to a felony.

Katie Klabusich · 1:41 AM

Which is just should be.

Heather Parker · 1:41 AM

And there is at least a handful of VA delegates who believe the same, so mabye there will be movement next session.

Katie Klabusich · 1:41 AM

If the dime bag in my pocket is a felony....

Katie Klabusich · 1:41 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“well done Heather”

Heather Parker · 1:42 AM

Thx Julie. Nothing's been done yet, but I'm working on it. Virginia is WAY behind the times when it comes to cyber stalking, and stalking in general. I am to help change that.

Heather Parker · 1:42 AM

★ Spotlighted from Rebecca Westbrook Toker

“EXACTLY, Katie.”

Heather Parker · 1:42 AM

★ Spotlighted from Tammy Cook

“Social media advocacy is the best way to raise awareness and to call out legislators who vote against victims' rights bills.”

Heather Parker · 1:43 AM

Agreed, Tammy. You would be amazed at some of the work I've been able to accomplish on this topic and others using social media, particularly twitter.

Katie Klabusich · 1:43 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Well Heather, if I can help you in any way, you just let me know”

Katie Klabusich · 1:43 AM

★ Spotlighted from Lucy Dyer

“@Julie - maybe its cos we women are speaking up for ourselves and some dont like it. and maybe feel that their masculinity is threatened”

Heather Parker · 1:43 AM

Will do, Julie. Thx for the offer.

Katie Klabusich · 1:43 AM

Cyber stalking is behind almost everywhere, correct?

Katie Klabusich · 1:43 AM

I know that's not an accurate stat (sorry!), but it would seem typical.

Katie Klabusich · 1:44 AM

Our search & seizure laws, privacy laws, etc. are behind. It would seem that stalking would be woefully behind as well in most places.

Heather Parker · 1:44 AM

So there was a question earlier abt what to do outside of the legal system, and I just want to throw out a quick link to some safety planning, just in case: http://www.victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center/help-for-victims/stalking

Katie Klabusich · 1:44 AM

★ Spotlighted from Rebecca Westbrook Toker

“DO you have links we can share, or petitions or anything? We can throw it out on Facebook and Twitter and hopefully get some more attention.”

Katie Klabusich · 1:44 AM

★ Spotlighted from Tammy Cook

“Julie - check out my last blog post http://stalkingviolates.wordpress.com/2014/02/13/the-roots-of-misogyny/”

Katie Klabusich · 1:44 AM

R -- Stalking Awareness Month has some great resources as well: http://stalkingawarenessmonth.org

Katie Klabusich · 1:45 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“ok Tammy”

Heather Parker · 1:45 AM

Yes, Katie, almost everywhere. And the problem is we need to draft laws that will be good for years to come. So we need to make sure that they're broad enough to encompass any new technology that comes along. (Which my draft leg did - grrrr)

Katie Klabusich · 1:45 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“This just disgusts me that as women we have to go through so much shit to protect ourselves”

Katie Klabusich · 1:45 AM

It's really pretty awful, Julie. I think it's why issues like stalking get left behind.

Heather Parker · 1:46 AM

I think most of us are disgusted, Julie.

Heather Parker · 1:46 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“You can also add amendments to legislation heather”

Katie Klabusich · 1:46 AM

We're fighting so hard for all of our rights; if an issue hasn't hit us personally we can miss it.

Katie Klabusich · 1:46 AM

So, THANK YOU to everyone who came tonight to talk, ask questions, and listen! (Hi, READERS!!)

Heather Parker · 1:46 AM

Not if the bill gets killed in a subcommittee, Julie. Sigh. That's what happened to the last one. We were trying to amend the stalking leg, and the bill (amendments to the leg) was killed in subcommittee. I was supposed to testify, but they moved dat

Katie Klabusich · 1:47 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Think I need to visit Virginia”

Katie Klabusich · 1:47 AM

★ Spotlighted from Rebecca Westbrook Toker

“What advice would YOU give for people who fear they are being stalked? I've been given the crazy misogynistic lectures that are basically the same as what they tell you to avoid rape - which is to say, pretend that you're Amish. But in real terms.”

Heather Parker · 1:47 AM

Would love to see you, Julie. :)

Katie Klabusich · 1:47 AM

Earlier, we basically laid out "document" and "cease and desist"

Katie Klabusich · 1:47 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“that's complete and utter bs, Heather”

Katie Klabusich · 1:47 AM

★ Spotlighted from Rebecca Westbrook Toker

“What can you do to protect yourself, to keep te situation from becoming violent?”

Heather Parker · 1:48 AM

Rebecca, I think those safety planning steps I gave are good ones.

Katie Klabusich · 1:48 AM

So, Rebecca, keep track of and save everything. And then pursue a Cease and Desist order so they know you know.

Heather Parker · 1:48 AM

I also think DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT

Katie Klabusich · 1:48 AM

★ Spotlighted from Rebecca Westbrook Toker

“But, besides that - really, for your life and habits. What can you do?”

Heather Parker · 1:48 AM

Speak to the police and/or a victims advocate about what you should do.

Katie Klabusich · 1:48 AM

Right. Every situation will be different.

Katie Klabusich · 1:48 AM

I know this isn't what happened with you, Heather, but...

Katie Klabusich · 1:49 AM

since most stalking stems from intimate partners, are there signs people can look for in their relationships?

Heather Parker · 1:49 AM

YES, Katie.

Katie Klabusich · 1:49 AM

(I am NOT victim blaming; this is going forward advice for people to be watching for.)

Katie Klabusich · 1:50 AM

★ Spotlighted from Rebecca Westbrook Toker

“Aside from believing your friend, what else can you do to support a victim of stalking? It's got to be hugely stressful.”

Katie Klabusich · 1:50 AM

★ Spotlighted from Rebecca Westbrook Toker

“I mean, to be a victim.”

Katie Klabusich · 1:50 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“Here's a free fill-in cease and desist letter for harassment http://thompsonhall.com/cease-desist-harassment-intimidation-example-template-letter/”

Katie Klabusich · 1:50 AM

Well, there are a lot of in person opportunities to help, Rebecca.

Katie Klabusich · 1:50 AM

Court dates, etc.

Katie Klabusich · 1:51 AM

Even if your friend doesn't need you to come literally hold their hand, meeting for lunch after, etc. can be huge.

Heather Parker · 1:51 AM

Here are some common characteristics to look for: http://ow.ly/i/4ASKq

Katie Klabusich · 1:51 AM

Heather is all over the resources.

Katie Klabusich · 1:51 AM

Thank you, Kim!!

Heather Parker · 1:51 AM

OMG, Katie. YES YES YES YES YES. I am ETERNALLY grateful to two friends who were able to come to my multiple court dates with me. Eternally grateful.

Katie Klabusich · 1:51 AM

And there are lots of them.

Katie Klabusich · 1:51 AM

★ Spotlighted from Rebecca Westbrook Toker

“That's an excellent point - red flags.”

Heather Parker · 1:52 AM

And lunch with a drink or two afterwards to calm down was a great help.

Heather Parker · 1:52 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“You're welcome, Katie :)”

Katie Klabusich · 1:52 AM

So, whip out your calendar. Check in on them. Make sure they feel safe.

Katie Klabusich · 1:52 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“I dont know how to get in touch with you heather, so Ill let you find me”

Katie Klabusich · 1:52 AM

Ah! Tell people where to follow you, Heather!

Katie Klabusich · 1:52 AM

Heh.

Heather Parker · 1:52 AM

I'm on twitter, Julie, at heatherr_parker. Find me there. :)

Katie Klabusich · 1:52 AM

Heather is a great follow on twitter for SO many reasons.

Heather Parker · 1:53 AM

Be forewarned, I curse like a sailor. ;)

Heather Parker · 1:53 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“I hate twitter”

Katie Klabusich · 1:53 AM

It's true. She's unnecessarily toned it down here. (Mostly for space, I think.)

Katie Klabusich · 1:53 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“well sumbitch, who doesnt”

Heather Parker · 1:53 AM

Sorry, just follow me there, and then I'll DM you some better contact deets.

Katie Klabusich · 1:53 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“LOL, I def swear worse Heather :P”

Katie Klabusich · 1:54 AM

It's true. Our feeds and TL's can be very venting-ful.

Heather Parker · 1:54 AM

Don't make me turn this into a swear-off, Kim. ;) :P

Katie Klabusich · 1:54 AM

I can't believe we're already running out of time....

Heather Parker · 1:54 AM

Most def, Katie. But we do it because we care. That much passion can induce fighting words.

Heather Parker · 1:54 AM

I know! Stupid tawkers time limits!

Katie Klabusich · 1:54 AM

Heather is one of my repeat co-hosts and I think she'll be back before the ACA deadline to chat last minute questions.

Katie Klabusich · 1:54 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“My bf is a marine so I have an edge ;)”

Katie Klabusich · 1:54 AM

★ Spotlighted from Stephanie Hunt

“Ha, ha I had a decade of all girls Catholic schooling. They curse worse than sailors.”

Katie Klabusich · 1:54 AM

★ Spotlighted from Rebecca Westbrook Toker

“Thanks, ladies, for everything you're doing to help women. You're so right that we need to keep talking, be informed, support each other!”

Katie Klabusich · 1:55 AM

(If you forget, it's in her profile here too. ;) )

Heather Parker · 1:55 AM

★ Spotlighted from Tammy Cook

“If anyone wants to join us, go to victimsrights.bravesites.com”

Heather Parker · 1:55 AM

★ Spotlighted from Lou FCD

“Y'all rock. Just so y'know.”

Heather Parker · 1:55 AM

@heatherr_parker :)

Katie Klabusich · 1:56 AM

Thank you, thank you to the Tawkers admins who I know gave this chat some special love tonight in case we had uninvited guests.

Heather Parker · 1:56 AM

And follow Katie, too - she's pretty kick-ass: @Katie_Speak

Katie Klabusich · 1:56 AM

Aw. Thanks. ;) I do some stuff here and there.

Heather Parker · 1:56 AM

Thank you, Tawkers! I really, REALLY appreciated it.

Katie Klabusich · 1:56 AM

★ Spotlighted from Lucy Dyer

“thanks for this tawk heather and Katie.. i have learnt alot. :-)”

Katie Klabusich · 1:56 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“ty”

Heather Parker · 1:56 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“appreciated your insight”

Katie Klabusich · 1:57 AM

My latest project is documenting the abuse and harassment outside reproductive health clinics. TWs! Check it out: http://katiespeak.com/2014/02/01/dispatches-from-the-sidewalk-clinic-defense-nj-020114/

Katie Klabusich · 1:57 AM

★ Spotlighted from Tammy Cook

“Thank you Katie and Heather!”

Katie Klabusich · 1:57 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“You both rawk :P”

Katie Klabusich · 1:57 AM

★ Spotlighted from Stephanie Hunt

“Good job, Katie and Heather”

Katie Klabusich · 1:57 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“Ive been there Katie”

Heather Parker · 1:57 AM

One last thing to throw out. If anyone here is being stalked, or knows someone who is being stalked, here's a good resource to start: http://www.victimsofcrime.org/docs/src/stalking-a-handbook-for-victims.pdf?sfvrsn=2

Katie Klabusich · 1:57 AM

Right back at ya! Thank you so much for coming, everyone.

Heather Parker · 1:57 AM

Yes, thanks everyone, for coming, and for the excellent questions. We can't do these tawks without you!

Katie Klabusich · 1:58 AM

And if any of the Readers who didn't want to (or couldn't) sign in have questions or need resources, you can contact Heather or I on Twitter as well.

Heather Parker · 1:58 AM

★ Spotlighted from Rebecca Westbrook Toker

“Tammy, keep going, Girl!”

Katie Klabusich · 1:58 AM

★ Spotlighted from Julie Gelpke

“goodnight, and ty again”

Katie Klabusich · 1:58 AM

Heather, I can't thank you enough.

Katie Klabusich · 1:58 AM

You really put yourself out there.

Katie Klabusich · 1:58 AM

★ Spotlighted from Tammy Cook

“Thanks Rebecca!”

Katie Klabusich · 1:58 AM

I know this has been a stressful week.

Katie Klabusich · 1:59 AM

This transcript is available immediately and stays put, so if anyone needs to return for resources that we talked about, they'll be here.

Heather Parker · 1:59 AM

Thanks, Katie. It was hard, but I hope I shared some good info. And, again, thx for having me, thx Tawkers for being awesome, and thx to everyone who attended

Katie Klabusich · 1:59 AM

Goodnight everybody! Now go have yourself a cocktail. Or three. <3

Katie Klabusich · 2:00 AM

★ Spotlighted from Kim Elliott

“or ten”

Katie Klabusich · 2:00 AM

★ Spotlighted from Tammy Cook

“Goodnight”

Heather Parker · 2:00 AM

"night!

Forum · 116

Forum· 116 comments

112 visitors

Tawkers AdminFeb 3, 2014, 4:26 AM★ Spotlighted

Welcome to the comment section of the Tawk, where audience members can share their thoughts about the main conversation happening on the left. Don't by shy! Entering questions and comments is the only way to get the attention of the two Hosts on stage!

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:00 AM★ Spotlighted

Glad to be here for this

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:04 AM★ Spotlighted

Is a woman randomly selected to be stalked, or is it by someone she knows, or both?

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:06 AM★ Spotlighted

What triggers the stalking?

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:08 AM★ Spotlighted

And their purpose of stalking is what?

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:08 AM★ Spotlighted

ok, ty

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:08 AM★ Spotlighted

How does a stalker manipulate?

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:09 AM★ Spotlighted

I agree with Katie, does this, or can this lead to sexual assault?

Lucy DyerFeb 14, 2014, 1:09 AM★ Spotlighted

i was gonna say,isnt stalking behavior kinda the same as sexual abuse/assault?

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:10 AM★ Spotlighted

And I imagine protective orders are ignored largely by police Heather?

Stephanie HuntFeb 14, 2014, 1:11 AM★ Spotlighted

I've seen stalking as a lead-up to sexual assault.

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:11 AM★ Spotlighted

I understand

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:11 AM★ Spotlighted

I am stunned that men are stalked to be honest

Lucy DyerFeb 14, 2014, 1:11 AM★ Spotlighted

is it always males stalking females? or have there been cases of males stalking males & females stalking females?

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:12 AM★ Spotlighted

Heather, tell me, how did you get rid of your stalker if you don't mind me asking?

Lucy DyerFeb 14, 2014, 1:13 AM★ Spotlighted

and i guess class and sexual orientation doesnt matter either?

Stephanie HuntFeb 14, 2014, 1:13 AM★ Spotlighted

I have known female stalkers. They think they are expressing devotion to the man by knowing his every move.

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:13 AM★ Spotlighted

Jesus wept

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:14 AM★ Spotlighted

How can you take control over a stalker?

Stephanie HuntFeb 14, 2014, 1:14 AM★ Spotlighted

Mine was deported back home to Canada.

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:14 AM★ Spotlighted

Can you defend yourself with any weapon?

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:16 AM★ Spotlighted

Tell me about discovering you realize you are being stalked, tell me the steps to take

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:18 AM★ Spotlighted

I am curious now though, what about lgbt stalking, do the police take that even less serious?

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:21 AM★ Spotlighted

Or is it just telling them to stay 150 feet away from you and no contact?

Stephanie HuntFeb 14, 2014, 1:21 AM★ Spotlighted

Police don't take anything that can't be seen as he said/she said seriously. Lazy police work really.

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:21 AM★ Spotlighted

I have my coke right here ty

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:22 AM★ Spotlighted

Ok, ty

Tammy CookFeb 14, 2014, 1:22 AM★ Spotlighted

Hi everyone.

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:22 AM★ Spotlighted

What aside from the courts can you do to protect yourself Heather?

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 1:22 AM★ Spotlighted

It'd also be legal proof that you've told them to back

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:23 AM★ Spotlighted

I'll be honest, I'd carry a damn gun

Lucy DyerFeb 14, 2014, 1:23 AM★ Spotlighted

what can friends do to help?

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:24 AM★ Spotlighted

Not me darlin, I am a Texas woman

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:24 AM★ Spotlighted

Thats what I thought

Lucy DyerFeb 14, 2014, 1:24 AM★ Spotlighted

is you are a friend,that goes without saying,Katie

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:25 AM★ Spotlighted

victim blame? Meaning

Lucy DyerFeb 14, 2014, 1:26 AM★ Spotlighted

wouldnt that be "you should have done this..." or "you shouldnt have done that..."

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 1:26 AM★ Spotlighted

In the case of social media, friends can also report any potential stalker contacts/handles

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:26 AM★ Spotlighted

I'd love to follow you Heather, but NOT in a stalking way to learn more from you. I work for the national Organization for women, and this is helpful material for me

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:28 AM★ Spotlighted

We are changing human trafficking laws right now

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:29 AM★ Spotlighted

I never realized the numbers were so high

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:29 AM★ Spotlighted

Heather, this isn't your fault darlin

Tammy CookFeb 14, 2014, 1:30 AM★ Spotlighted

Has anyone been involved with a law enforcement stalker?

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 1:30 AM★ Spotlighted

When I was stalked I went as far as to erase my previous personal info off the internet and plant false info.

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:30 AM★ Spotlighted

I just wanna run and move in with you and my "weapon" and be all protective all of a sudden

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:32 AM★ Spotlighted

As someone being stalked and having your life in danger, you should NOT have to pay for a damn thing

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 1:32 AM★ Spotlighted

My internet presence lead to an addy almost 100 miles away ;)

Lucy DyerFeb 14, 2014, 1:33 AM★ Spotlighted

i found out today that stalking in the UK only became a crime in 2012

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 1:33 AM★ Spotlighted

That's awful, Lucy

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:33 AM★ Spotlighted

People dont take stalking seriously because it has not happened to them, so we need to bring awareness to this

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:34 AM★ Spotlighted

Especially on campus

Lucy DyerFeb 14, 2014, 1:35 AM★ Spotlighted

ahh this is what i looking for -"Figures obtained under a freedom of information request showed that between November 2012, when stalking became a crime, and the end of June this year, 320 people were arrested across 30 police forces.....

Lucy DyerFeb 14, 2014, 1:35 AM★ Spotlighted

Of those 189 were charged - so far six of those have been jailed and 27 given community disposals."

Lucy DyerFeb 14, 2014, 1:35 AM

and thats as recent as i can find on figures

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:36 AM★ Spotlighted

stalking is not a rehabilitative behavior I would think

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 1:36 AM★ Spotlighted

That is disgusting.

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:36 AM★ Spotlighted

loaded to

Lucy DyerFeb 14, 2014, 1:36 AM★ Spotlighted

hey if talking and getting the word out helped over turn the stigma about LBGT then we can do the same for stalking

Tammy CookFeb 14, 2014, 1:36 AM★ Spotlighted

I started Human Rights vs. Stalkers 4 years after my sister's stalking began. Her stalker is a former law enforcement officer, and his former colleagues continue to turn a blind eye.

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:36 AM★ Spotlighted

what class of misdemeanor?

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 1:37 AM★ Spotlighted

Keeping all appendages crossed on Heather getting an extradition

Tammy CookFeb 14, 2014, 1:38 AM★ Spotlighted

I'm glad to do something...it makes you feel so helpless.

Stephanie HuntFeb 14, 2014, 1:38 AM★ Spotlighted

My stalking occured back during college. It was only because of the attempted rape of another girl, and his dropping a flaming bag of excrement on a security guard from a roof that this boy was punished by the school.

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:38 AM★ Spotlighted

Thats what, a $2500 fine and not even a year in jail?

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 1:39 AM★ Spotlighted

if you can't pay the fines it's normally jail time :)

Tammy CookFeb 14, 2014, 1:39 AM★ Spotlighted

Hopefully, we can change laws and hold law enforcement accountable for failure to follow protocols. I want to start a legal advocacy program too.

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:39 AM★ Spotlighted

This need to climb up into the code of criminal procedures as a class a felony with a $500,000 fine and plenty of time in prison

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:40 AM

Thats a joke

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:40 AM★ Spotlighted

well done Heather

Stephanie HuntFeb 14, 2014, 1:41 AM

He was suspended from the dorms after the incident with the guard. Kicked out, beaten by frat friends, and deported after the rape attempt.

Rebecca Westbrook TokerFeb 14, 2014, 1:41 AM★ Spotlighted

EXACTLY, Katie.

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:42 AM

I am wondering why men are feeling such an entitlement to women now a days

Tammy CookFeb 14, 2014, 1:42 AM★ Spotlighted

Social media advocacy is the best way to raise awareness and to call out legislators who vote against victims' rights bills.

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:43 AM★ Spotlighted

Well Heather, if I can help you in any way, you just let me know

Lucy DyerFeb 14, 2014, 1:43 AM★ Spotlighted

@Julie - maybe its cos we women are speaking up for ourselves and some dont like it. and maybe feel that their masculinity is threatened

Rebecca Westbrook TokerFeb 14, 2014, 1:44 AM★ Spotlighted

DO you have links we can share, or petitions or anything? We can throw it out on Facebook and Twitter and hopefully get some more attention.

Tammy CookFeb 14, 2014, 1:44 AM★ Spotlighted

Julie - check out my last blog post http://stalkingviolates.wordpress.com/2014/02/13/the-roots-of-misogyny/

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:44 AM★ Spotlighted

ok Tammy

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:45 AM★ Spotlighted

This just disgusts me that as women we have to go through so much shit to protect ourselves

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:45 AM★ Spotlighted

You can also add amendments to legislation heather

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:47 AM★ Spotlighted

Think I need to visit Virginia

Rebecca Westbrook TokerFeb 14, 2014, 1:47 AM★ Spotlighted

What advice would YOU give for people who fear they are being stalked? I've been given the crazy misogynistic lectures that are basically the same as what they tell you to avoid rape - which is to say, pretend that you're Amish. But in real terms.

Rebecca Westbrook TokerFeb 14, 2014, 1:47 AM★ Spotlighted

What can you do to protect yourself, to keep te situation from becoming violent?

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 1:47 AM★ Spotlighted

that's complete and utter bs, Heather

Rebecca Westbrook TokerFeb 14, 2014, 1:48 AM★ Spotlighted

But, besides that - really, for your life and habits. What can you do?

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:48 AM

shoot the bastard

Rebecca Westbrook TokerFeb 14, 2014, 1:48 AM

LOL, Julie.

Rebecca Westbrook TokerFeb 14, 2014, 1:49 AM★ Spotlighted

Aside from believing your friend, what else can you do to support a victim of stalking? It's got to be hugely stressful.

Rebecca Westbrook TokerFeb 14, 2014, 1:49 AM★ Spotlighted

I mean, to be a victim.

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 1:50 AM★ Spotlighted

Here's a free fill-in cease and desist letter for harassment http://thompsonhall.com/cease-desist-harassment-intimidation-example-template-letter/

Rebecca Westbrook TokerFeb 14, 2014, 1:51 AM★ Spotlighted

That's an excellent point - red flags.

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 1:52 AM★ Spotlighted

You're welcome, Katie :)

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:52 AM★ Spotlighted

I dont know how to get in touch with you heather, so Ill let you find me

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:52 AM

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:53 AM★ Spotlighted

I hate twitter

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:53 AM

lol

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:53 AM★ Spotlighted

well sumbitch, who doesnt

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 1:53 AM★ Spotlighted

LOL, I def swear worse Heather :P

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 1:54 AM★ Spotlighted

My bf is a marine so I have an edge ;)

Rebecca Westbrook TokerFeb 14, 2014, 1:54 AM★ Spotlighted

Thanks, ladies, for everything you're doing to help women. You're so right that we need to keep talking, be informed, support each other!

Stephanie HuntFeb 14, 2014, 1:54 AM★ Spotlighted

Ha, ha I had a decade of all girls Catholic schooling. They curse worse than sailors.

Tammy CookFeb 14, 2014, 1:54 AM★ Spotlighted

If anyone wants to join us, go to victimsrights.bravesites.com

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:54 AM

throw twitter name one last time

Lou FCDFeb 14, 2014, 1:55 AM★ Spotlighted

Y'all rock. Just so y'know.

Lucy DyerFeb 14, 2014, 1:55 AM★ Spotlighted

thanks for this tawk heather and Katie.. i have learnt alot. :-)

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:56 AM★ Spotlighted

appreciated your insight

Tammy CookFeb 14, 2014, 1:56 AM★ Spotlighted

Thank you Katie and Heather!

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 1:56 AM★ Spotlighted

You both rawk :P

Stephanie HuntFeb 14, 2014, 1:57 AM★ Spotlighted

Good job, Katie and Heather

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:57 AM★ Spotlighted

Ive been there Katie

Julie GelpkeFeb 14, 2014, 1:57 AM★ Spotlighted

goodnight, and ty again

Rebecca Westbrook TokerFeb 14, 2014, 1:57 AM★ Spotlighted

Tammy, keep going, Girl!

Tammy CookFeb 14, 2014, 1:58 AM★ Spotlighted

Thanks Rebecca!

Kim ElliottFeb 14, 2014, 2:00 AM★ Spotlighted

or ten

Tammy CookFeb 14, 2014, 2:00 AM★ Spotlighted

Goodnight