Jordan Birnbaum

Host

The Leading Man

Jun 13, 2014·49 visitors

Greg Dinkin

Cohost

Stage· 189 messages

Jun 13, 2014

My friend Greg Dinkin is a great thinker and a wonderful writer. His new book, The Leading Man, is getting rave reviews. It's all about personal development, and has emerged from his own capacity for honesty and vulnerability in his life. We're going to Tawk about the new book and the experiences that led to it.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:00 AM

Hello Mr. Dinkin!

Greg Dinkin · 12:00 AM

Let's do this!

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:00 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“Hello Jordan. Hi Greg. = D”

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:00 AM

Hi there Robin! How've you ben?

Greg Dinkin · 12:00 AM

Hi Robin. First question is yours.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:00 AM

Greg - how are you?

Greg Dinkin · 12:01 AM

I'm fired up...and exhausted. Just got back from Vegas and Texas.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:01 AM

I'm having a bit of a loading problem

Greg Dinkin · 12:01 AM

It's been an exciting couple of weeks since the book launch.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:01 AM

can't see the things I'm typing...hopefully it will fix itself in a moment

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:02 AM

testing

Greg Dinkin · 12:02 AM

I can see what you're writing, Jordan.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:02 AM

I'm back!

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:02 AM

not really

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:02 AM

OK - let me try a new browser

Greg Dinkin · 12:02 AM

Yes...re: book tour. Though "book tour" is not what it used to be.

Greg Dinkin · 12:03 AM

It used to mean going to lots of independent book stores and doing signings.

Greg Dinkin · 12:03 AM

Now it's as much about the internet as live events.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:03 AM

what does it mean now?

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:04 AM

oy - no luck

Greg Dinkin · 12:04 AM

It's about writing for sites like Good Men Project, getting columns to go viral, doing podcasts, and venues like Tawkers.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:04 AM

another try

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:04 AM

o dear

Greg Dinkin · 12:05 AM

"Effective" is what reaches people. Unless you're a celebrity, people don't care about your autograph. It's more about delivering value/content.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:05 AM

greg - are there niche environments you can tap into?

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:05 AM

hey - it's working!

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:06 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“yay! let's hope it keeps working”

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:06 AM

I'm with you

Greg Dinkin · 12:06 AM

Certainly the poker community is a niche I know well...and I was just in Vegas to network with a bunch of contacts.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:06 AM

are poker players open to such lofty ideals?

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:06 AM

i suppose poker attracts all types

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:07 AM

like both of us

Greg Dinkin · 12:07 AM

Certainly some are. Daniel Negreanu, Antonio Esfandiari and a host of other high-profile players work a lot on Emotional Intelligence.

Greg Dinkin · 12:07 AM

They embrace any type of learning and self-awareness.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:07 AM

so lets start from the beginning

Greg Dinkin · 12:07 AM

Let's.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:07 AM

your inspiration for the project

Greg Dinkin · 12:08 AM

Wanting to share information with men so they can live great lives.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:08 AM

are men in greater need of personal awareness? or is that simply the gender you know?

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:08 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“excellent question”

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:09 AM

cheers my lady!

Greg Dinkin · 12:09 AM

Men aren't necessarily in greater need...it's that women are ALREADY doing the work.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:09 AM

biological, societal? both?

Greg Dinkin · 12:09 AM

With men, there's reluctance to be vulnerable.

Greg Dinkin · 12:10 AM

A combination of both, though mostly societal. Expectations of men are such that we don't want to appear weak.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:10 AM

is that reluctance rooted in rational or irrational thinking? Or is it both?

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:10 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“i wonder why that would be.”

Greg Dinkin · 12:10 AM

The whole "there's no crying in baseball" has created a stigma that we have to always be tough and have all the answers.

Greg Dinkin · 12:11 AM

I believe the thinking is IRRATIONAL..because when we open our hearts, we win in so many ways.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:11 AM

I agree. But In some situations, do you think that showing vulnerability can make you a target for aggression?

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:11 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“i agree”

Greg Dinkin · 12:11 AM

The belief that acting like we always have the answers is a faulty one.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:11 AM

it's also delusional

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:12 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“and maybe even pompous.”

Greg Dinkin · 12:12 AM

I can't think of any off the top of my head. Plus, you can always escalate and put your foot down when needed. There's never a need to start by being an aggressive jerk.

Greg Dinkin · 12:13 AM

I show many examples in the book of how vulnerability is an asset.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:13 AM

so did you have some epiphanies through personal experience? did you discover some philosophies? what was the basis for how you discovered that which you wantd to share?

Greg Dinkin · 12:13 AM

It leads to deeper connections with both men and women.

Greg Dinkin · 12:13 AM

Plus, the mentality of being too macho to ask for help (or even directions) is a losing formula.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:14 AM

amen

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:14 AM

but how did you arrive in this mental / spiritual place?

Greg Dinkin · 12:14 AM

I had my Eat Pray Love adventure where I went to Thailand and India.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:14 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“the honest sharing of thoughts, ideas and emotions is very mutually expansive.”

Greg Dinkin · 12:14 AM

Thought it's really been a lifelong pursuit of answers...and the real epiphany was that the answers are within.

Greg Dinkin · 12:15 AM

The book is about how we, as individuals, find those answers.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:15 AM

suffering, I hope for my sake?

Greg Dinkin · 12:15 AM

Agreed, Robin. Expansive is a great word.

Greg Dinkin · 12:15 AM

What do you mean by suffering, Jordan?

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:15 AM

do answers imply a sense of purpose, a sense of peace?

Greg Dinkin · 12:16 AM

Answers imply that you can find your way in life.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:16 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“answers = knowledge. "knowledge is power".”

Greg Dinkin · 12:16 AM

I emphasize that everyone's answers are different. It's about getting to a place where you are happy with yourself and your life as it is.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:17 AM

"all that I know is that I know nothing." - some guy

Greg Dinkin · 12:17 AM

That some guy is Socrates.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:17 AM

yeah, he was pretty methodical.

Greg Dinkin · 12:17 AM

It's important to have that humility...because if you think you know everything, you stop asking questions.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:18 AM

absolutely.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:18 AM

so what are some of the defining life experiences that have shaped you into such a reflective and thoughtful man?

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:18 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“how boring it would be to know everything! nothing else to learn”

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:18 AM

have you learned more from failure or success?

Greg Dinkin · 12:18 AM

Pain. Frustration.

Greg Dinkin · 12:18 AM

I've learned from both.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:19 AM

that's whta I meant by suffering earlier.

Greg Dinkin · 12:19 AM

most books/movies start with the protagonist having a crisis. in my case, i never hit a bottom or had that one traumatic moment...

Greg Dinkin · 12:20 AM

which is why I emphasize that we DON'T need to wait for life to kick us in the ass to become aware and take control of our lives.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:20 AM

yes, life does not tend to follow proper script structure

Greg Dinkin · 12:20 AM

For me, weighing close to 300 pounds was a catalyst.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:20 AM

you're so right, but that makes it MUCH harder

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:21 AM

the impulse towards complacency is incredibly powerful

Greg Dinkin · 12:21 AM

Most people won't do the "work" until things get tough.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:21 AM

★ Spotlighted from adam frisch

“wassup cornell fellas. Greg - in reading your book, i think perspective is so incredibly important in life. you bring it out in a very constructive and effective way”

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:21 AM

NICE! What's up Adam!!

Greg Dinkin · 12:21 AM

Frisch!!!

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:21 AM

Greg - I didn't even know you knew him

Greg Dinkin · 12:21 AM

Thanks, Adam. It's a challenge to teach awareness.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:21 AM

small world

Greg Dinkin · 12:22 AM

By definition, we can't see our own blind spots...which is why I spend an entire chapter on: "Where Am I Now?"

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:22 AM

or small campus

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:22 AM

are there tools you rely on to gain greater clarity into yourself?

Greg Dinkin · 12:22 AM

We gain perspective by asking questions, by slowing down, by asking others for feedback, and by facing painful truths.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:22 AM

are you a believer in therapy?

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:23 AM

★ Spotlighted from adam frisch

“i was a part of the dinkin delights hoop crew for a bit. always enjoyed talking to greg. this is a very interesting chat”

Greg Dinkin · 12:23 AM

I'm a believer that we all need to find the tools that UNIQUELY suit us.

Greg Dinkin · 12:23 AM

Therapy, yes...if it works for the individual.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:23 AM

so here's the thing about facing painful truths - our subconscious minds are working actively against us

Greg Dinkin · 12:24 AM

can you expand on that, jordan?

Greg Dinkin · 12:24 AM

i believe that we have the power to work on our subconscious minds.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:24 AM

well, let's say you experience some trauma or hurt in childhood. your subconscious is going to try to protect you from feeling that hurt again.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:25 AM

it thinks it's doing you a favor, even though it really isn't

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:25 AM

I certainly agree we have that power

Greg Dinkin · 12:25 AM

agreed...30% of abused children will abuse their children.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:25 AM

exactly

Greg Dinkin · 12:25 AM

AWARENESS is the antitode.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:26 AM

yes- but many people aren't ready to accept that The Matrix isn't real.

Greg Dinkin · 12:26 AM

if you can "process" that childhood wound--it may be thru traditional therapy or another technique--you can let go of it.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:26 AM

From personal experience I know you are correct

Greg Dinkin · 12:26 AM

People aren't ready for a lot of things...that's why the first question is:

Greg Dinkin · 12:26 AM

Why ask?

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:27 AM

but I wasn't able to find the strength to confront it until I hit a bottom and was forced to deal with myself

Greg Dinkin · 12:27 AM

We're only going to deal with life when we are ready to.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:27 AM

that's why complacency is the enemy of progress

Greg Dinkin · 12:27 AM

I appreciate your vulnerability in sharing that, Jordan.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:27 AM

oh please, I have vulnerability for miles, baby!

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:28 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“- D jordan”

Greg Dinkin · 12:28 AM

Complacency is a choice. We don't HAVE TO wait for like to get awful to decide to live how we chose to live.

Greg Dinkin · 12:28 AM

for life....

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:28 AM

How much of a person's capacity for personal growth is impacted by childhood?

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:29 AM

or maybe a better way to ask - to what extent is that capacity either enhanced or restricted by childhood experience?

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:30 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“in some cases, one's childhood might well make them even more likely to be introspective.”

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:30 AM

I'm sure some combination of biology, parenting, experience concocts the mixture that is us...

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:31 AM

and then at some point we either take control of the wheel or we don't

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:31 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“absolutely”

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:31 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“right! good way to put it.”

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:31 AM

thank you robin

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:32 AM

I think we may have lost Greg.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:32 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“oops.”

Greg Dinkin · 12:32 AM

Am I back?

Greg Dinkin · 12:33 AM

So...where were we?

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:33 AM

welcome back, kotter

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:33 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“shilhood experiences... introspection, etc.”

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:33 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“child*”

Greg Dinkin · 12:33 AM

well we tease 'em a lot cause we got 'em on the spot, welcome back.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:34 AM

that's my ring tone!

Greg Dinkin · 12:34 AM

i'm unqualified to answer the question about how much impact our childhood makes...

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:34 AM

from MY childhood

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:34 AM

why? you were never a child?

Greg Dinkin · 12:34 AM

Yes, it makes an impact.

Greg Dinkin · 12:35 AM

My focus is to get clear on what we want and then design a life to live it.

Greg Dinkin · 12:35 AM

Childhood wounds, destructive thought patterns, etc. may get in the way, which is why we all have to find our own tools to navigate those issues.

Greg Dinkin · 12:36 AM

If you can get to the core of WHY you are self-sabotaging, you can create habits to overcome it.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:36 AM

agreed - it seems like identifying a subconscious influence drains it of its power

Greg Dinkin · 12:36 AM

absolutely.

Greg Dinkin · 12:37 AM

and here's a good place to remind everyone that the BEST chapter of the book is available for free at www.gregdinkin.com.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:37 AM

This is a great book with a great mission

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:37 AM

I urge everyone who reads this to check it out

Greg Dinkin · 12:37 AM

Think about how easy it is to "change your mind."

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:37 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“thanks, greg, i'll be reading that later.”

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:38 AM

so Greg - what can we learn about ourselves from the relationships we choose?

Greg Dinkin · 12:38 AM

others are a mirror.

Greg Dinkin · 12:39 AM

when I coach people on relationships, they want to talk about their partner.

Greg Dinkin · 12:39 AM

i bring it back to them...okay, so your partner does x, y and z, how do YOU react?

Greg Dinkin · 12:39 AM

so your partner is abusive, why do you stay?

Greg Dinkin · 12:39 AM

so you want X from your partner, WHY can't you ask?

Greg Dinkin · 12:40 AM

The key is to keep the awareness on ourselves.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:40 AM

probably a lot wrapped up in our relationships with our parents?

Greg Dinkin · 12:40 AM

Successful relationships are about FINDING the right person and BEING the right person...

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:40 AM

All right Greg - this is such a great topic and you are such a great person -

Greg Dinkin · 12:41 AM

95% of the focus seems to be on the finding...the search, the "how and where to meet." i think we'd be better off focusing on BEING the right person.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:41 AM

We have lots of Tawkers friends who didn't make iot tonight but I know would love you

Greg Dinkin · 12:41 AM

Thanks, Jordan.

Greg Dinkin · 12:41 AM

You ask great questions!

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:41 AM

so maybe we can try this again in a few weeks

Greg Dinkin · 12:41 AM

I'm game!

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:41 AM

I'lll make sure we get the community here - you both deserve each other in the besdt possible way.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:41 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“summertime is hard to want to be inside on the computer. =]”

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:41 AM

Robin is oart of the community of which I speak

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:42 AM

and btw, Robin, as always, you make htis delightful

Greg Dinkin · 12:42 AM

I've got a great column on dating I'd love to share before we wrap up...

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:42 AM

please do

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:42 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“= D thanks jordan. its mutual.”

Greg Dinkin · 12:42 AM

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/skip-facade-get-girl-land-real-prize-gmp/

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:43 AM

Greg - I admire you very much. I think you're a great person.

Greg Dinkin · 12:43 AM

Some valuable insight for dating, vulverability, etc.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:43 AM

★ Spotlighted from Robin Maynard

“looks interesting, thanks, greg.”

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:43 AM

and I really support your message

Greg Dinkin · 12:43 AM

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/skip-facade-get-girl-land-real-prize-gmp/

Greg Dinkin · 12:43 AM

Thanks, Jordan.

Jordan Birnbaum · 12:43 AM

good night all. and thanks for the great surprise, Frisch!!!

Greg Dinkin · 12:44 AM

Good night. Thank you! Email more questions any time.

Forum · 39

Forum· 39 comments

49 visitors

Tawkers AdminMay 29, 2014, 5:14 PM

Welcome to the comment section of the Tawk, where audience members can share their thoughts about the main conversation happening on the left. Don't by shy! Entering questions and comments is the only way to get the attention of the two Hosts on stage!

Robin MaynardJun 12, 2014, 11:59 PM★ Spotlighted

Hello Jordan. Hi Greg. = D

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:00 AM

pretty darn good. you?

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:01 AM

umm. ok. when i have something to go on, i'll ask it!

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:01 AM

doing a book tour?

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:01 AM

i see it, jordan.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:02 AM

"refresh"?

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:02 AM

yay!

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:03 AM

what did it used to be?

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:03 AM

how about now?

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:04 AM

which was more fun, or effective?

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:04 AM

sorry you're having trouble jordan.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:05 AM

sounds like work, greg.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:05 AM

"tawkers" is, unfortunately, not flawless.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:06 AM★ Spotlighted

yay! let's hope it keeps working

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:08 AM★ Spotlighted

excellent question

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:09 AM

= D ah, the cat's outta the bag, now!

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:09 AM★ Spotlighted

i wonder why that would be.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:10 AM

thats a heavy load to bear.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:11 AM★ Spotlighted

i agree

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:12 AM★ Spotlighted

and maybe even pompous.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:14 AM★ Spotlighted

the honest sharing of thoughts, ideas and emotions is very mutually expansive.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:16 AM★ Spotlighted

answers = knowledge. "knowledge is power".

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:18 AM★ Spotlighted

how boring it would be to know everything! nothing else to learn

adam frischJun 13, 2014, 12:21 AM★ Spotlighted

wassup cornell fellas. Greg - in reading your book, i think perspective is so incredibly important in life. you bring it out in a very constructive and effective way

adam frischJun 13, 2014, 12:22 AM★ Spotlighted

i was a part of the dinkin delights hoop crew for a bit. always enjoyed talking to greg. this is a very interesting chat

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:28 AM★ Spotlighted

- D jordan

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:30 AM★ Spotlighted

in some cases, one's childhood might well make them even more likely to be introspective.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:30 AM★ Spotlighted

absolutely

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:31 AM★ Spotlighted

right! good way to put it.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:32 AM★ Spotlighted

oops.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:32 AM

yes

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:33 AM★ Spotlighted

shilhood experiences... introspection, etc.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:33 AM★ Spotlighted

child*

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:37 AM★ Spotlighted

thanks, greg, i'll be reading that later.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:41 AM★ Spotlighted

summertime is hard to want to be inside on the computer. =]

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:42 AM★ Spotlighted

= D thanks jordan. its mutual.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:43 AM★ Spotlighted

looks interesting, thanks, greg.

Robin MaynardJun 13, 2014, 12:44 AM

well, good night then. good seeing you.